Day – 143 Has rock bottom changed for you?
Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to get enough oomph to push past our pride and flesh into a life that we can only dream about. But has the idea of rock bottom changed for you?
When I was younger crying in a corner and feeling like I was on the verge of a panic attack was a common occurrence. Wrapped up in my own self and enveloped by my dramatic fears I constantly trapped myself. Hitting rock bottom seem to happen every Sunday as I made promises to myself about the week to come.
As the years past, I got a job and saw a bigger world. I was still the center of it, but it was bigger none the less. Rock bottom came every few months. The spectacle was less, and I was more equipped to deal with the heartache, but it still hurt. I focused the blame on others to shield myself from the pain without realizing this was probably the problem to begin with. Stuck in this cycle, I lived many years. I got my first job, had my children, and made many mistakes.
When I came to Christ rock bottom once again changed. The picture was different. I was free of the guilt and even though the yoke was easy, and the burden was lightened, the responsibility of His death on that cross weighed on my soul. He died for me, and I can’t even manage to get out of my own way. Processing this took time.
On my path I have struggled with belief, self-righteousness, lack of empathy, faith, and prayer. I have struggled with it all. But it is now that rock bottom hurts the most. Knowing that I am saved, knowing that I have an amazing and unique connection with God, knowing that I was chosen, knowing that I have a calling…but I still can’t get it right.
I don’ have a positive uplifting message to share today. Just a message of compassion.
We are all struggling. Be kind.