Day 16 – Etzev and the Weight of Becoming – Jan 16, 2026

I am struggling.

Don’t worry. Franklin is fine. I am fine.

Actually, I am better than ever.

2026 feels full of promise. So much growth. So many ideas. So much becoming.

And yet, I am struggling.

I have an anxiety disorder triggered by pregnancy, by the extra blood running through my body, by blood sugar drops in the middle of the night. When it happens, it feels like a panic attack. But it isn’t danger. It is chemistry. It is my body doing the hard work of sustaining life.

Most nights, all I really need to do is get up, walk on the treadmill, do something grounding, maybe watch another episode of my current Netflix series. Nothing dramatic. Nothing heroic. Just presence.

But this season has been stirring something deeper in me.

When I worked in the sewing factory, I watched women fight to hit their daily production goals up to forty days before labor. Forty days. How many women have pushed through loss, pain, judgment, fear, and silence while carrying life inside them?

God promises us pain.

To the woman He said,

“I will greatly increase your pain in childbearing;

in pain you shall bring forth children.” (Genesis 3:16)

This is broader than the moment of birth.

“Bring forth children” includes the whole childbearing experience.

The Hebrew word used here is etzev.

It is the same word used earlier in the chapter for sorrow.

It does not describe a brief physical sensation.

It names ongoing hardship. Emotional strain. Physical discomfort. Anxiety. Labor over time.

Becoming is costly.

Being a woman is already hard.

Pregnancy adds weight to what is already heavy.

And yet, how insensitive we can be.

How quickly we minimize.

How easily we spiritualize pain instead of honoring it.

This matters.

In my upcoming doctoral studies, Recovering women as theological agents in Scripture, not merely objects of doctrine, I believe the answer is yes, and it matters deeply.

A fundamental difference between men and women is our ability to bring life into the world. And with that gift comes the promise of etzev. Not as punishment, but as reality. As participation. As formation.

Struggle is not failure.

It is not weakness.

It is not lack of faith.

Struggle is part of becoming.

How others show up during this process makes all the difference.

Gentleness matters. Presence matters. Understanding matters.

I am struggling.

That is natural.

That is purposeful.

Be that person for someone today.