Day 258 - A terrifying question.
“Do I believe in God?” Where is the disconnect. In prayer I feel Him talk to me, in life I see His work, but it is not enough. I want proof. I need more. My broken faith some days wins, and my powerful connection other days over comes.
There is no lonelier place than a to find yourself in the middle of a battle of faith.
I find peace in knowing that John the Baptist, while in jail, sent his disciples to ask Jesus if he was the one. Peter denied knowing Jesus. Elijah wrestled with his faith and prayed for death. Doubting Thomas struggled with the idea of resurrection. Moses questioned God by questioning his own capacities. David, a man after God’s own heart, was no stranger to spiritual dryness. The book of Psalms is full of messages of doubt and pain. Mary and Martha confused faith with service. Jonah didn’t think God was strong enough to protect him. Abraham, the father of our faith, had to hear his promise 7 times to finally believe. Even Jesus, under the incredible pressure of his humanity in Gethsemane, asked His Father if there was another way.
Let the waves of doubt flow over you like waves in the ocean. Let them come in and out of your life. Enjoy the struggle know that your faith muscle is growing. Let the struggle be part of your identity. Share your testimony so that in those times of darkness you can be part of the intricate support system created and directed by God. You might feel like he is gone, but He has never held you closer.