Reflecting on all the changes that have happened in my life, I was sitting in my champa, quietly thinking: “I have been feeling uneasy.” Everyone asks me how I am doing. It is a hard question to answer. Should I be honest? How honest should I be? What do they want to hear?
Sitting there talking to my best friend, I discovered that the discomfort that I was feeling was not embedded in what I was not getting done. You couldn’t find it in my unaccomplished to-do list. It lived deep inside the way I was doing things.
I came to Honduras to soften, slowdown and enjoy time. After embarking on an unnecessary project to restore an old picnic table, I realized I had done none of these.
For efficiency’s sake I did not ask the boys to help me. I marched my gringo butt out into the scorching sun to begin taking the picnic table apart. After about an hour my kids came out, curious about what was happening. At this point I was red in the face and sweating. They asked me why I looked so mad. I snapped back, “maybe because you’re not helping.” They quickly picked up the sandpaper and started doing their best. Now there were three fools out in the hot sun. We got about three fourths way done sanding and we gave up. It was too hot. This was too hard.
A thought traveled by on a relaxing tropical breeze. I had accomplished nothing.
I wanted to do projects with my kids because I want them to learn. If I taught them anything, it would be to buy a new picnic table instead of trying to restore the one you have.
I wanted to feel fulfilled by the idea of doing more hands-on projects. Now, I have no picnic table.
I wanted to spend more quality time with my kids. Epic fail. First, I excluded them for efficiency’s sake. Then, when they did participate, they couldn’t do anything right.
As I spoke to Him, I confessed my heart was not soft. I told Him, I felt my accelerator was broken. My spirit was tired of watching time speed by.
He gave me some great advice and with a renewed spirit, I went inside and read my kids a bedtime story.
Comentários