For most of us, God created a plan involving ourselves and some other willing participant. Someone else to laugh at our jokes, pick us up when we are down and someone to get us in line when our volatile emotions go from sublime to ridiculous.
This weekend was our yearly retreat with the missionary organization we belong to. The location chosen was a resort about three hours away from my house. It is an easy drive. My favorite part is traveling right past Pico Bonito.
We had scheduled times of worship during the 4-day/3-night stay. We came together for a time of communion, healing and rest. It was an amazing experience.
On the first night, I learned my first lesson. I stood in the conference room surrounded by more than one-hundred devoted missionaries. It was easy to see that according to God’s plan, each of them had their husband or wife faithfully by their side. I did not.
This got the voices inside me talking a mile a minute. Trying to process how I was feeling, I asked myself, how does that make you feel? A voice from inside my head screamed out: lonely! I paused and chewed on the word lonely. I don’t feel lonely. That can’t be right.
Ashamed! another voice screamed out. Now just wait a second! I am not ashamed!
Frustrated, a third. The situation is sometimes frustrating. Like last week when the garbage bag broke when getting it out of the can. A job I would most definitely assign to a second party upon availability.
Tired. This voice was quiet, but it was there. I am tired. But upon glancing around the room, we are all tired.
As the preacher continued his sermon about purpose and calling, I scanned through an English teacher size list of adjectives. No, no, no…no. None of them fit.
Until, from deep inside my soul came His voice. Good. You are good. The words seemed so perfect, so peaceful. They sat right there on my emotions and soothed my thoughts like ice after a burn. Good. I am good. I love my life. I am happy, fulfilled, healthy, growing. I take just enough risk. I rest. I have friends and companionship. I am good. I never thought such a simple word would mean so much to me.
As I sat there with my revelation, a tear bopped down my cheek, a tear of contentment. I was good.
There might be a normal way or a standard. There might be a typical approach or an obvious solution. But only 2 hours into my retreat, I learned the right way, His way.
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